Week 4 Story: Yerdua's Life
Author's Note: The formatting of this short story is a derivative of "Indra's Chariot" from Ramayana, the Epic of Rama, Prince of India, condensed in English by Romesh Dutt. The story is written in couplet form, painting the story of the clash between Yerdua, the Queen of Demons and The Hero.
There the demon laid, with nothing to conceal him but the odor of defeat
There the demon queen, Yerdua, laid, with blood and tears from the her nose to her feet
Arms outstretched, seeking only for the mercy of the hero who conquered her
Slowly drifting away, the once lively spark in her eyes have stumbled to merely a blur
The hero stood over her, with nothing but distaste on his face
But he knew he must continue forward -- for this was nothing more than an obstacle in his race
But all in sudden, before he could continue, the gods acted with such rash
Lightning struck. The clouds darkened. The sounds of the birds stopped. A flash!
Yerdua's body rose with such ease, up to the heavens.
One second went by. Two. Three. Five. Ten. Eleven!
With a second flash! The gods in the heavens have again blocked the hero from his path!
For there Yerdua stood in front of the hero. Power surround her. Her eyes filled with wrath.
"You fool! You thought you've seen the end of me?" She shouted with glee
The words of her bellowing voice carried from tree to tree. Mountains to mountains. Sea to sea.
Arms tightened, the hero questioned the heavens of the curse they've put upon him
He stood still, frightened. Anxiety coursing through his veins to his limbs
The mighty Yerdua took advantage of his motionless appearance, with no thought, no remorse
The hero looked around for support from anyone, anything around him to reinforce
No sign of life in sight. No sign of apparent and unwavering hope in sight.
Yerdua moved almost in slow-motion. The hero stayed motionless. All he could see was bright light!
"Cling! Clang!" The sounds of metal on metal rang through the his ears
All he could muster was fright. All he could feel was fear!
He was untouched. Not a single sound of the metal clashing put a scratch on his skin
In front of him stood the hope he was looking for. His brother was there, his kin!
To be continued ...
There the demon laid, with nothing to conceal him but the odor of defeat
There the demon queen, Yerdua, laid, with blood and tears from the her nose to her feet
Arms outstretched, seeking only for the mercy of the hero who conquered her
Slowly drifting away, the once lively spark in her eyes have stumbled to merely a blur
The hero stood over her, with nothing but distaste on his face
But he knew he must continue forward -- for this was nothing more than an obstacle in his race
But all in sudden, before he could continue, the gods acted with such rash
Lightning struck. The clouds darkened. The sounds of the birds stopped. A flash!
Yerdua's body rose with such ease, up to the heavens.
One second went by. Two. Three. Five. Ten. Eleven!
With a second flash! The gods in the heavens have again blocked the hero from his path!
For there Yerdua stood in front of the hero. Power surround her. Her eyes filled with wrath.
"You fool! You thought you've seen the end of me?" She shouted with glee
The words of her bellowing voice carried from tree to tree. Mountains to mountains. Sea to sea.
Arms tightened, the hero questioned the heavens of the curse they've put upon him
He stood still, frightened. Anxiety coursing through his veins to his limbs
The mighty Yerdua took advantage of his motionless appearance, with no thought, no remorse
The hero looked around for support from anyone, anything around him to reinforce
No sign of life in sight. No sign of apparent and unwavering hope in sight.
Yerdua moved almost in slow-motion. The hero stayed motionless. All he could see was bright light!
"Cling! Clang!" The sounds of metal on metal rang through the his ears
All he could muster was fright. All he could feel was fear!
He was untouched. Not a single sound of the metal clashing put a scratch on his skin
In front of him stood the hope he was looking for. His brother was there, his kin!
To be continued ...
(Two Silver Swords on a Shield. Source: Unsplash)
Hi Long! I think the details you have provided in your story allows me, or any reader, to feel truly part of the events in it. For example, instead of saying "time went by" you said "One second went by. Two. Three. Five. Ten. Eleven!" Through providing these details, I really felt like I was a part of the story where there was a clock nearby and I could hear the second hand ticking. I also really enjoyed how you used details to describe Yerdua in order to showcase her strength and viciousness. You crafted sentences that told the reader that her voice was so powerful that it echoed far and wide, without specifically saying so. It was for the reader to interpret, which, therefore, made the reader further feel that he/she was really in the story. It makes the reader feel like he/she was standing beside all the action, like a standby.
ReplyDeleteHi Long!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to start out this post by saying how I love the way you did the spacing in your story it made the story flow really well and was easy to read and follow along. I also like how you ended this story on a cliff hanger I love a good story that leaves me waiting for more. I hope to be reading more of your stories soon!
To be continued...
Hey Long,
ReplyDeleteI really like your method of approach to this rendition. I am sure it takes a really long time to write a story in couplet, as making a rhyme scheme go along with your story must take a lot of time and effort, and I really can see that, and really appreciate it. I think you made it work extremely well. It felt lyrical, and I feel as there could be a beat in my head that played as if it were being sung or read to me, as it was beautifully poetic. I would to see this again from you - as you nailed it.