Week 5 Story: Battle of the Brothers

Author's Note: The story that inspired this was Rama and Sita chapter of The Divine Archer by F. J. Gould. I repurposed the story based on the competition aspect, and based it off a story about two brothers fighting to be the heir to the throne, instead of one character competing with suitors to marry a princess.

There once was a king who lived in grand palace. Everyone in the kingdom loved the king, even in the neighboring rival kingdoms. He was the kindest king that there ever was However, as time passed, the king was getting older and older. Being that he knew that in a short time, there will be the time where he will pass and leave the kingdom to his successor. The king had two sons, Cha and Sha, and he devised a competition to see who he deemed fit to sit on the throne and rule his kingdom with love and compassion for the people.

Cha was the younger sibling, and Sha was the older sibling. Cha was a quiet child, he never spoke unless spoken to, and he always tried to resolve problems with understanding between the two side. Sha, the older sibling, was efficient. He was a proud child, only loved playing with other kids if they let him be the leader. His resolution to conflict was to always be tougher and stronger than the opponent. 

One day, the king brought both the princes, Cha and Sha, to the courtyard. There, he said out loud to them:

"Cha. Sha. My children. As you know, with the recent years passing, I feel myself getting older and tired by the day. One day soon, I will die and leave this kingdom and this world. However, before I go, I need to be sure that I am leaving this kingdom with someone that will treat it well and drive us to the future. Here I have with me two baby oxen, and each one of you will raise this baby oxen to full grown oxen. And once they have been all grown up, you will have them charge against one another and whoever's oxen still stands in their half of the field will be crowned king."

As this, the sons went their separate ways to raise their oxen. Cha didn't know how to raise an ox to be powerful, nor does he know how to raise one to be fast either. But he did care for it, making sure it was fed every night and spending as much time with it as he can. Sha, on the other hand, spent long hours studying on how to train a powerful ox. He was strict and harsh in his training of the ox, with every minute he spent with it was for the purpose of training.

Five years after, it was time for the showdown between the two oxen and the two brothers. Cha's ox was average size, with nothing too special about his build at all, but it was always around Cha, almost like a son to a father. On the other side, Sha's ox was humungous, with bulging muscles across its body, carefully listening in fear of Sha, who carried a whip on his side. 

When it was time for the competition to start. The trainers and the two oxen stood on opposing sides equidistant from the center of the field. The referee proceeded to blow his whistle and the two oxen charged at one another. And in a quick second, Cha's oxen was knocked back by a country mile; it was clear who won the competition. Cha jumped and quickly tended to his oxen while Sha threw some meat on the ground for his oxen to eat as reward.

At the courtyard, the two princes kneeled in front of the king and the king told them:

"The two of you raised those oxen very well, and I'm proud of you for doing so. And based on the interactions I've seen and the outcome of the competition that I've put upon you five years ago, I have chosen my successor to the throne and to lead the kingdom to a new era."

Sha was looking awfully calm and confident, while Cha was torn and upset.

"I have decided that the next ruler of the kingdom will be Cha!"

The courtyard exploded with gasps and murmurs. The people could not believe their ears. However the most surprised was Sha, who quickly jumped up and at the king, and demanded answers as to why he won the competition, but did not get the throne.

"Sha, my child, even though you did raise a fine oxen whose strong and powerful, and beat Cha's ox in the competition, there was not a moment in time where I saw a strong connection between you and the ox. Meanwhile, I can see that Cha and his oxen shares a strong bond, almost inseparable. I can tell that he loves that ox very much and have cared and been kind to it everyday for the past five years. The leader of this kingdom must be strong and powerful, yes, but above all, he must be kind to his subject and to the world."

Cha was shocked. He could not believe what he was hearing. Sha, on the other hand angrily took off from the courtyard and was never seen again. The crowd wailed in celebration, "All Hail King Cha! All Hail King Cha!" 

The End
(Ox in a Field. Source: Wikimedia)

Comments

  1. Hi Long! I liked the spin you put on the Rama and Sita story for a fight for the throne! It added some tension to the story that the original one didn't since we knew that Rama was going to "win" Sita with help from the gods. Seeing a conflict between 2 brothers made the story more interesting because I didn't know who was going to win or who to root for. What happened between the 5 years before the competition? I think that time period would be interesting to explore or the relationship of the 2 brothers before and after the competition too. Good job with the story!

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  2. Hello Long. The name of your story caught my eye, I wrote one I called "The Brothers and their Battle" which sounds kinda similar so I was curious from the start, though the stories are very different. I liked how you took the challenge for Sita's hand in marriage and made it into your own unique story. I thought it was very creative and I like that it feels like a completely different story. You also did a good job showing the different personalities of the two brothers.

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  3. Long,
    Your story reminds me of the Bible story Cain and Abel. Whenever I began to read it, I automatically had a flashback to my childhood. I liked how you have taken basically two different stories and combined them to make your own tale. How did you come up with such a good story?! Seriously though, I think that your story encompasses an underdog whose character and hard work is thought to be more golden than winning. Whenever I got to the part where Cha was picked and his father was talking to him about how proud of him that he was of the relationship and hard work that he put in with his ox, I smiled. Truly, I don’t think that I can even come up with any suggestions for you to add or take out or do differently with your story. I very much enjoyed reading your story!

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  4. Hey Long,

    Interestingly enough, your title really caught my interest in reading your story, as it is one of the first few things I look for to see if I would enjoy a story, so that left an impression on me, as it seemed immediately interesting. How did come up with the beginning plot of the story? Did you base it mostly off of the Rama and Sita chapter? Did you come up with your title at the end, or write your story around it from the beginning? I really also like your use of dialogue, as I wonder if you had any inspiration from any books you have read in the past to come up with such great dialogue, as you do an amazing job at conveying the personalities of the characters throughout your story. Maybe you can extend the dialogue just a little bit more? You have plenty of dialogue, which is great, but some of the conversations between characters seems to be short, and your use of detail makes up for it, but I would love to see a little bit more conversation too! Really well done.

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